it's hard to tell if i'm just being bitchy and want to whine or if i have a legitimate complaint. all i know is that i think all the time about how if i lived by myself everything would be clean. but give it a rest if i lived by myself again i would probably just become a cat lady. it feels like i just want to be alone in a vacuum devoid of other people's opinions distilled down to something simple where i can listen to myself no matter how quietly i think and maybe then i can figure out what the little me inside is saying. maybe then i would be happy?
seriously why is it that i feel like if i were single and lived alone i would feel free to get tattoos and wear whatever i want and work out and branch boldly? why do i feel like i have a secret character that flourishes only sometimes? what is it about being in a relationship that i feel is big enough to change me and not only that but make me smaller? why does it have to change me in a bad way? because i can't yet switch off the part of me that is certain everyone is judging me and silently criticizing behind inscrutable eyes?
well how do i do that?
seriously why is it that i feel like if i were single and lived alone i would feel free to get tattoos and wear whatever i want and work out and branch boldly? why do i feel like i have a secret character that flourishes only sometimes? what is it about being in a relationship that i feel is big enough to change me and not only that but make me smaller? why does it have to change me in a bad way? because i can't yet switch off the part of me that is certain everyone is judging me and silently criticizing behind inscrutable eyes?
well how do i do that?
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