on zebra finches

so i guess this is where i can now come to type sans punctuation stream-of-consciousness figure out my life like bouncing a tennis ball against a wall. this is where i get to be weird and not try to make sense and say the things that i can't say to anyone real.

like these zebra finches, and how much they are driving me crazy and how hostile i feel toward those poor defenseless little beeping squawking feathered fluffing sonsofbitches. buzzing around the room like overgrown insects. i don't like feeling like i want to catch one and squeeze it until it pops in a puff of floating feathers. because that is not me. or is it? it's a part of me obviously.

i don't know what's wrong with me but i think something is. today i realized that the happiest times in my life were the short periods when i was single. coincidence or conspiracy? don't know don't care. i feel free when i'm not in a relationship, so i could either get out of my current one or find a way to feel free in spite of it. but i can't break up with X, how could i do that to him and ruin his life? this is why relationships are horrible. they are traps and i always end up having to chew my own leg off.